What's New?

Long time, no blog!  I think I mentioned how much more difficult I find it to get my words out than I expected...but here I am!!!!

Fran has a new thing she's been doing for the past few weeks when we ask her to go in her crate...really ferocious sounding growls!!!  She's so tiny and it's pretty adorable but it still really stinks because it makes it extra hard to make her go! 

Too cute for words...

Ok but enough about the dog...we all know the dogs are a mask for stuff I should really be talking about! 

My favorite holiday is coming up soon...Thanksgiving...I love that there is a holiday to formally practice Gratitude!  We have our annual Thansgiving Tree hanging at the St. George home and the Leaves of Gratitude are so much fun to read!  Emily is grateful for pie!  (Even though she doesn't like pie...the leaf reads...)  Taylor is thankful for cute boys and sweets!  Just last year it was trees and bees...Please come over and fill out a leaf if you have things you are grateful for!  What are some traditions you have to practice gratitude on Thanksgiving? 

Those Pups...

I'd like to write a bit about those puppies that make me so anxious sometimes...and then I'd like to talk about anxiety a bit more...first I'm going to try to insert an image of them because they are adorable...

Aren't they just so precious?!?!  That's Brody on the left and Franimal on the right.  You probably can't tell from this photo but Brody is twice Fran's size...she is 25 pounds and he's right around 50.  They are the loves of our lives...they have melted the hearts of the four St. George's and they are slowly melting the hearts of our friends and family who get a lot of time with them...but it takes time, especially with that little Fran!!!!

Ok so these pups can contribute to my anxiety for sure, as I wrote about in my blog yesterday.  But I can't blame it all on the actions of these little fuzz balls!  Though I can get stressed (easily and often) by the things I wrote about yesterday, they aren't the ONLY things that cause me anxiety. 

It was probably just much easier to write about the pups instead of the human things...hmmmm...

When I try to bring to mind some of the things that cause me to feel anxious I think of the situations that sort of stop me in my tracks, give me the "hot" in my chest/gut, cause me fuzzy brain and flush my cheeks...those are the physical sensations I experience when I'm triggered.  When I feel these things I ask myself what is going on...generally it's not because I'm overwhelmed with happiness...so I'm probably either mad, sad or scared. 

Anger is very rarely my true emotion, I can honestly say that I only truly feel mad when I'm receiving poor customer service.  When I drill down and really explore what's at the core of my emotion, it's usually sadness or fear.  Both of these emotions bring out the anxiety in me...so when do I feel those emotions...???

When I make up stories about what I think others were doing/thinking (plotting/scheming) or why they were doing it, I feel anxious.  Uncertainty.  Scary.  Fear.  Usually this can be cured by asking questions to clarify what's going on.  And usually, my negative assumptions are wrong.  This makes questioning for understanding so important and so worth it - even when it's hard. 

When I am in the presence of people who seem angry or are saying hurtful things I get very anxious.  I wonder why people are so unhappy that they would say mean things.  I need to state the fact that I'm feeling anxious before I can move through it.  I need to take a few deep breaths before I can move through it. 

When the people I love and care about do things that I find hurtful I get anxious, and that's sad or fear based.  Afraid their love for me has changed or gone away, and saddened by that possibility.  When I'm feeling this way I need to let them know - in a non-aggressive way - they've hurt my feelings .  I need to communicate to them how I've been hurt and let them know what I need in order to heal. 

I bet standing up on a stage and having to address hundreds of people would also cause me anxiety, since standing up in front of 10 people usually causes me anxiety.  This is fear-based and they best way I know to move through that anxiety is to state the fear..."I need to let you guys know I'm nervous right now so please bear with me!"

Feeling anxious is something many of us experience and in all different types of situations.  What are some of the tips and tricks you have to help you work through your anxiety?  We could all benefit from growing our bag of tricks! 

Happy Friday! 

Thoughts on Self

I have a few books I'm working on right now...I just finished "Fearless" by Eric Blehm:  http://www.amazon.com/Fearless-Undaunted-Ultimate-Sacrifice-Operator/dp/0307730700/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376567207&sr=1-1&keywords=fearless which was a powerful and moving story about the life of a true war hero, his family, friends and brothers in arms. 

I am also reading "Codependent No More"  by Melody Beattie:  http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376567338&sr=1-1&keywords=codependent+no+more and in this book, at the end of each chapter there is an Activity for the reader to complete.  The Activity at the end of Chapter 11:  Have a Love Affair With Yourself is this:

How do you feel about yourself?  Write about it.  Include the things you like or don't like about yourself.  Reread what you have written.

 

 

I am going to write about this here and I'm a little nervous...but I'm pretty sure the handful of people who read this already know how I feel about myself so that's a little comforting!  Don't forward this to anyone, friends!!!  ;)

 

Ok...let's start with what I LIKE because it's so much easier to start with what I don't like so I'm making a conscious choice to start with the positive!  I like that I'm trustworthy - I know that I have to give a bit of myself in order to get a bit of others so I do that.  I trust in order to be trusted - it works. 

 

I like that I set boundaries - I wasn't always good at this and it's still a practice for me - I like that I say no when it's the right thing to say EVEN if it's really hard to do.  I like that I stop a conversation when it becomes negative or toxic and remove myself from it, it's in line with my value system and it helps people know exactly where I stand on topics. 

 

I like that I put my family first - I had a real semi-shock this summer when Taylor's sports started in August, it's that realization that summers aren't going to last forever and that the kiddos are growing up and soon their priorities are going to shift and thank GOODNESS I have spent as much quality time with them as possible!  I love that when I ask my family what they want for dinner it's seldom "pizza" and almost always some yummy meal that we sit around the table to eat together!  I love that we build forts and have movie nights and make popcorn in a popcorn maker and then drizzle real butter on it!  I love that we play "Guess Who" and that we color and build cardboard boats and then race them.  I love that we take time to celebrate with our family - blood family and beyond!

 

I like that I'm constantly working to be a better person - not only for my family, friends and job but for myself.  I want to be the best person I can be, and I want to feel the best I can feel.  I like that I'm working to forgive, heal and give back to the world. 

 

I don't like how anxious I can get.  As my close friends and family know - it's hardly even big stuff that makes me anxious...it's things like "OH MY GOD FRAN DIDN'T POOP THIS MORNING!" Um...she'll probably poop at 10:30 or 11 when the dogwalker comes.  Darin says to me all the time, "Honey, maybe she just doesn't have to poop?" I can get anxious when Brody whines...and Brody WHINES.  All.  The. Time.  When he's hungry, when he's happy, when he's sad, when he's stressed...basically when he isn't eating, walking or sleeping he's whining.  I can get anxious when the dogs "sniff" more than they "walk" on walks...and I don't like the way I treat the dogs when I'm feeling anxious...I yank on their leashes more than I want to or yell at them more than I want to.  I want to work on having more patience with the dogs. 

 

I don't like my codependent tendancies.  Like I have to take care of everyone else - they can't live without me doing stuff for them.  They can - just fine.  I think the people who love me, love me for who I am and not for what I do for them so I need to get back to being me.  I've referred to this as "Dancing" for others in the past and it's a real thing that I'm working on.  This will be a journey...I don't know that I'll ever be 100% cured of this one but I'm working on it. 

 

Big blog today...lots of words!!!  I guess there's not a lot that I don't like, they are just really big things that seem like mountains to tackle.  I'm up for the challenge!  In the meantime I will continue to honor and be grateful for the things I like.  A choice to embrace the positive. 

 

What are your thoughts about yourself?  Any a-ha's or are you already pretty self aware?  

ISFJ

So I recently completed my MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) certification in Boston.  I met some great people and learned a lot about personality "type".  I learned so much about myself and so much about others.  I sat at a table with some great folks...one gal from Pennsylvania, Candice, was almost my type opposite and I so enjoyed talking with her and hearing how she processes information. 

One of the greatest things I learned is that as someone who has a preference for Introversion, I like to process information internally (which I knew) and that getting that information out to others is very difficult for me (which I did NOT know) because it all makes such great sense in my very own brain...but I'm unsure of how to put my thoughts into words. 

Now I understand why I thought it would be a great idea to have a blog but can't come up with creative ways to express my thoughts. 

 

 

So now I am certified to administer MBTI assessments and debrief the results with folks, either individuals in coaching or for groups as team building...and I'm really looking forward to getting deeper into what makes people tick and why they do the things they do! 

 

I'm Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging - what does that mean?  Introverted - I prefer to process information internally rather than talking through things with others, I prefer to recharge in the quiet by myself rather than with a group of people.  Sensing - I take in details using my senses (what I see, hear, smell, feel and taste) rather than using my intuition to form hypotheses or theories.  Feeling - I make choices based on my own value systems and care about the value systems of others rather than objectively thinking about what is the best choice for the situation.  Judging - I like to make plans and do things in an orderly fashion rather than perceiving what all of my options are and making a last minute decision based on that. 

 

Do you know what your Myers-Briggs type is?  Would you like to do a deep dive into what makes you tick?  

Choices

One of the biggest challenges facing us all every day is recognizing that we have choices.  When I remind people of their ability to make choices, often the response I get is:

But actually I didn't have a choice about...

...the rain falling the entire week of my vacation

...a close relationship ending

...getting overlooked for that promotion

...my car needing so much work

And maybe folks are right when they say they didn't have a choice about those things.  You know what they DO have a choice about?  How they respond when these things do happen.  Because folks you know what???  Life is happening all around you, and it's not all fun and games.  Sometimes you are thrown a tough blow, sometimes too many blows at once, and the choices you make about how to respond to these challenges is up to you. 

I think it would stink to have an entire week of vacation rain...but I sure do like seeing the plants on my deck looking as lush as a tropical rain forest due to the rainfall!

When close relationships end it can be devastating...and it can be a wonderful opportunity for self-reflection and growth.

Getting overlooked for a promotion at work can be a total drag...and it can be a great chance to work on your interview skills/technical skills/leadership skills so you are better positioned for the next opportunity that presents itself. 

Your car needing so much work can be inconvenient and expensive...and you can take such comfort in knowing that you have a finely tuned automobile in which to transport the people you love. 

Your choices are in how you respond to challenges, folks.  I'm not suggesting everyone adopt a "Soozie Sunshine" attitude because I don't think that's authentic or sustainable....but choosing to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow is a very healthy and positive way to work through them. 

Happiness!!!

Howdy!  If I was already a more established blogger, I would invite my new friend - Anne Lafleur - to write a guest blog for me!  However, being a brand new blogger myself, I'm going to take this opportunity to blog about my new friend Anne and the beautiful project she recently started! 

Anne recently started The Gift of Happiness project...you can read all about it on her website:  http://thegiftofhappiness.org/.  When I first heard about this project a week ago I immediately reached out to Anne, wanting to support her.  She was so happy that I had reached out and asked me to introduce myself if I went to the Natick Farmers Market.  Last Saturday as I was driving to Natick I asked Darin to please google what time the Natick Farmers Market was open until...he checked and told me...1 pm.  It was 12:40 and I was just merging off the Mass Pike!  So I sped up and raced to downtown Natick and at 12:50 we arrived!  I went straight to Anne's booth and introduced myself. 

Friends...I must say it was one of the warmest, happiest greetings I've ever received.  Anne was really happy to meet me, I could tell.  And I was really happy to meet Anne!  As I looked over the items on her table, I was totally overcome with emotion.  I couldn't believe that there was a project dedicated to happiness and paying happiness forward - it's just such a beautiful idea and that she has put it into motion and that the proceeds will benefit such an amazing cause - let's just say I shed a few tears!

I love these kits, I bought a few and I will buy some more!  I can't think of a better gift than spreading happiness!  Kudos to Anne for having an idea and making it happen!!!   Check out her website and reach out to her with questions or just to tell her your happiness story!!!

xoxo

The Best Friend Frame

One of the exercises in my coaching program is to bring someone to mind that you need to understand better.  Once you think of who that person is, picture them - along with you - in a picture frame that has the words "Best Friends" under it.  Imagine that this person is your best friend. 

What about this person must you accept?  Acceptance in this case is accepting that person for their humanity - not accepting or agreeing with their behaviors necessarily.  What judgments about this person do you have to let go of? 

I find that I can tend to make up stories in my mind...assumptions about people or situations.  My judgments are generally about someone's intentions...why did they do what they did/say what they said...and it can be crazy-making!  I can let these thoughts bounce around in my head until they become stories that become my truths and all of this stress that I'm creating in my own imagination could be prevented by 1.  not making assumptions in the first place (and if I can't stop that from happening) 2.  asking questions to clear things up. 

Who is in your best friend frame?  How can you start to accept them for their humanity and stop making judgments about them? 

Different Drums, Different Drummers

From "Please Understand Me" by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates

If I do not want what you want,
please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you,
at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours,
or more, given the same circumstances,
try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act, or fail to act,
in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least,
ask you to understand me.

That will come only when you are willing
to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring,
your friend, or your colleague.

If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or
beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day
these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might
finally appear to you as right - for me.

Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you
are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my
seeming waywardness.

And in understanding me you might come to prize my
differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me,
preserve and even nurture these differences.

===================================================
Sometimes it's so difficult to put yourself in someone else's shoes and see things from someone else's perspective, it's just easier to suggest that they become a little more like US, so we can understand them better or "help" them. 

Being a very high introvert is something that not a lot of people I know can relate to, and people find it hard to believe about me when I tell them.  Going to bed very early and waking up very early is also something not a lot of people can relate to.  Quality time with friends for me happens in a one-on-one setting and the conversation is deep and intense.  I like to prepare for each day the night before.  The way I show my family love is by cooking them yummy meals, making sure their laundry is always clean and planning out (sometimes weeks) in advance activities, vacations and being aware of where there might be conflicts.  I totally get it that my ways aren't for everyone and that people sometimes don't get it...but does that make it wrong?  Are these things I should strive to change about myself?  Am I missing some wonderful part of life by being the way I am? 

I love working on changing my hang-ups and believe me, there are a few for me to work on!!!  (A few = a gazillion)  But my natural temperament?  Nah, I like that just fine.  It suits me.  It works for me, and my family, and my friends, and my coworkers - whether they believe it all the time or not! 

What are some things in your life that you'd like to change - you know that you could benefit from small adjustments?  What are the core things about you that people might not understand but that you'd never give up in a million years?  Do you see the value in knowing the difference? 

I get by...

...with the love and support of my awesome support system.  Thank you to my husband and my friends for showing me SUCH love and support when I shared my new adventure with you all!  I could definitely feel the encouragement, support, and excitement in all of your emails back to me, so THANK YOU!!!!!

I was thinking of doing a "gratitude" seminar...maybe we could do a virtual one here!  So many people ask me how to eliminate worrisome thoughts from their lives...how to focus on the positive...how to change their frame of reference/perspective...and I think that practicing gratitude when any of those situations arise is so invaluable.  I don't think it's possible to eliminate those things from your life necessarily, I think it's just so important to practice gratitude in those situations. 

When I am frustrated that Fran and Brody are pulling me in different directions, I become grateful for two healthy dogs that have brought endless love to our family...when I worry that the girls are home alone while I'm on this 15 minute walk with the dogs, I become grateful for the town I live in with its low crime rate, the couch in my family room that the girls are comfortably lounging on and the fact that I can afford cable TV that they are happily watching...when I worry about the possibility of a furlough at my work, I become grateful for the days I will be able to work and help support such an amazing mission.  And folks, sometimes I don't remember to be grateful for a whole day, so be kind to yourself if the gratitude is flowing like molasses rather than like water!

What are you grateful for?  What are the situations that you might find yourself in where practicing gratitude could result in that frame of reference or shift of perspective? 

I am grateful for you, for supporting me and giving me the courage to come back here today!!!!  xo

So Much to Say...

I am starting a blog today, I have been wanting to do this for a few months now and I found the final inspirational sign I needed in Glennon Doyle Melton's blog this morning, encouraging us all to do our Thing now.  So here I am, doing my Thing.  Whatever that is.  :)

Sometimes I just have so much to say, and I truly believe (at that moment) that if I can just get OUT what I need to say, people will understand EXACTLY how I'm feeling.  However, I know that no matter what I say, or when, or to whom (who?  whom?) they won't understand until they are ready to feel the things I'm feeling.  I can't tell you how many times in life I've had an "a-ha" moment and I've been able to trace it back to some words of wisdom someone shared with me years ago, and perhaps I even jotted those wise words down, but I didn't truly understand them until some other unrelated thing happened and it was the small thing I needed to have that "a-ha" moment and grow a little bit more.  I love those moments!

Still, in the spirit of doing my Thing and getting OUT some of the new "a-has" I've been experiencing, I will mention them here, in my brand new blog!  (I'm excited...and nervous...thanks to Brené Brown for teaching me to be vulnerable - it's changed my life so much for the better!)

Ok...the first thing I've had a wonderful and new understanding of is Love.  A few close friends, including my awesome hubby, know about my new discovery and how a necklace opened my eyes to my new views about Love.  I have this necklace from Stella & Dot, and it simply says "With Love" on it.  Through a series of conversations I had the need to "get right" with my necklace...what did it really mean to me?  Was it just a pretty piece of jewelry?  For those of you who know me, you know my jewelry does not change.  It is very infrequent that I make jewelry changes, so I wanted to really understand what this necklace meant to me.  I decided that "With Love" is how I want to make all of my choices.  With Love in my Heart is how I will make all choices...easy for the easy ones, not as easy for the challenging ones...making choices with this statement in mind helps me stay completely true to my value system and helps me ensure that my actions and intentions match up.  It's been hugely transformative!

The other thing that recently came up for me was something that a coach of mine said to me years ago, "The heart doesn't speak in paragraphs."  I agreed, jotted it down, and had no clue what he meant.  He asked me to do an exercise where I looked up to my mind and asked "Why am I here?"  and then I looked down to my heart and asked the same question.  I practiced this exercise and apparently my mind and heart had a lot to say which I sent to him in an email, prompting his response that the heart doesn't talk in paragraphs.  Oops...I'm painfully literal sometimes.  I'm starting to get why I'm here...and it's such a sensation, it's so within me, that not only do I not have a paragraph to describe it - I don't think I have any words at all to describe it!  I want to help people, but that doesn't do any justice to the feeling that wells up inside me when I think of why I'm here. 

And so it begins...(to quote my hubby)...anyone want to respond?  Why are YOU here???