I am also reading "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie: http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376567338&sr=1-1&keywords=codependent+no+more and in this book, at the end of each chapter there is an Activity for the reader to complete. The Activity at the end of Chapter 11: Have a Love Affair With Yourself is this:
How do you feel about yourself? Write about it. Include the things you like or don't like about yourself. Reread what you have written.
I am going to write about this here and I'm a little nervous...but I'm pretty sure the handful of people who read this already know how I feel about myself so that's a little comforting! Don't forward this to anyone, friends!!! ;)
Ok...let's start with what I LIKE because it's so much easier to start with what I don't like so I'm making a conscious choice to start with the positive! I like that I'm trustworthy - I know that I have to give a bit of myself in order to get a bit of others so I do that. I trust in order to be trusted - it works.
I like that I set boundaries - I wasn't always good at this and it's still a practice for me - I like that I say no when it's the right thing to say EVEN if it's really hard to do. I like that I stop a conversation when it becomes negative or toxic and remove myself from it, it's in line with my value system and it helps people know exactly where I stand on topics.
I like that I put my family first - I had a real semi-shock this summer when Taylor's sports started in August, it's that realization that summers aren't going to last forever and that the kiddos are growing up and soon their priorities are going to shift and thank GOODNESS I have spent as much quality time with them as possible! I love that when I ask my family what they want for dinner it's seldom "pizza" and almost always some yummy meal that we sit around the table to eat together! I love that we build forts and have movie nights and make popcorn in a popcorn maker and then drizzle real butter on it! I love that we play "Guess Who" and that we color and build cardboard boats and then race them. I love that we take time to celebrate with our family - blood family and beyond!
I like that I'm constantly working to be a better person - not only for my family, friends and job but for myself. I want to be the best person I can be, and I want to feel the best I can feel. I like that I'm working to forgive, heal and give back to the world.
I don't like how anxious I can get. As my close friends and family know - it's hardly even big stuff that makes me anxious...it's things like "OH MY GOD FRAN DIDN'T POOP THIS MORNING!" Um...she'll probably poop at 10:30 or 11 when the dogwalker comes. Darin says to me all the time, "Honey, maybe she just doesn't have to poop?" I can get anxious when Brody whines...and Brody WHINES. All. The. Time. When he's hungry, when he's happy, when he's sad, when he's stressed...basically when he isn't eating, walking or sleeping he's whining. I can get anxious when the dogs "sniff" more than they "walk" on walks...and I don't like the way I treat the dogs when I'm feeling anxious...I yank on their leashes more than I want to or yell at them more than I want to. I want to work on having more patience with the dogs.
I don't like my codependent tendancies. Like I have to take care of everyone else - they can't live without me doing stuff for them. They can - just fine. I think the people who love me, love me for who I am and not for what I do for them so I need to get back to being me. I've referred to this as "Dancing" for others in the past and it's a real thing that I'm working on. This will be a journey...I don't know that I'll ever be 100% cured of this one but I'm working on it.
Big blog today...lots of words!!! I guess there's not a lot that I don't like, they are just really big things that seem like mountains to tackle. I'm up for the challenge! In the meantime I will continue to honor and be grateful for the things I like. A choice to embrace the positive.
What are your thoughts about yourself? Any a-ha's or are you already pretty self aware?
Favorite!
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