Those Pups...

I'd like to write a bit about those puppies that make me so anxious sometimes...and then I'd like to talk about anxiety a bit more...first I'm going to try to insert an image of them because they are adorable...

Aren't they just so precious?!?!  That's Brody on the left and Franimal on the right.  You probably can't tell from this photo but Brody is twice Fran's size...she is 25 pounds and he's right around 50.  They are the loves of our lives...they have melted the hearts of the four St. George's and they are slowly melting the hearts of our friends and family who get a lot of time with them...but it takes time, especially with that little Fran!!!!

Ok so these pups can contribute to my anxiety for sure, as I wrote about in my blog yesterday.  But I can't blame it all on the actions of these little fuzz balls!  Though I can get stressed (easily and often) by the things I wrote about yesterday, they aren't the ONLY things that cause me anxiety. 

It was probably just much easier to write about the pups instead of the human things...hmmmm...

When I try to bring to mind some of the things that cause me to feel anxious I think of the situations that sort of stop me in my tracks, give me the "hot" in my chest/gut, cause me fuzzy brain and flush my cheeks...those are the physical sensations I experience when I'm triggered.  When I feel these things I ask myself what is going on...generally it's not because I'm overwhelmed with happiness...so I'm probably either mad, sad or scared. 

Anger is very rarely my true emotion, I can honestly say that I only truly feel mad when I'm receiving poor customer service.  When I drill down and really explore what's at the core of my emotion, it's usually sadness or fear.  Both of these emotions bring out the anxiety in me...so when do I feel those emotions...???

When I make up stories about what I think others were doing/thinking (plotting/scheming) or why they were doing it, I feel anxious.  Uncertainty.  Scary.  Fear.  Usually this can be cured by asking questions to clarify what's going on.  And usually, my negative assumptions are wrong.  This makes questioning for understanding so important and so worth it - even when it's hard. 

When I am in the presence of people who seem angry or are saying hurtful things I get very anxious.  I wonder why people are so unhappy that they would say mean things.  I need to state the fact that I'm feeling anxious before I can move through it.  I need to take a few deep breaths before I can move through it. 

When the people I love and care about do things that I find hurtful I get anxious, and that's sad or fear based.  Afraid their love for me has changed or gone away, and saddened by that possibility.  When I'm feeling this way I need to let them know - in a non-aggressive way - they've hurt my feelings .  I need to communicate to them how I've been hurt and let them know what I need in order to heal. 

I bet standing up on a stage and having to address hundreds of people would also cause me anxiety, since standing up in front of 10 people usually causes me anxiety.  This is fear-based and they best way I know to move through that anxiety is to state the fear..."I need to let you guys know I'm nervous right now so please bear with me!"

Feeling anxious is something many of us experience and in all different types of situations.  What are some of the tips and tricks you have to help you work through your anxiety?  We could all benefit from growing our bag of tricks! 

Happy Friday! 

Thoughts on Self

I have a few books I'm working on right now...I just finished "Fearless" by Eric Blehm:  http://www.amazon.com/Fearless-Undaunted-Ultimate-Sacrifice-Operator/dp/0307730700/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376567207&sr=1-1&keywords=fearless which was a powerful and moving story about the life of a true war hero, his family, friends and brothers in arms. 

I am also reading "Codependent No More"  by Melody Beattie:  http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376567338&sr=1-1&keywords=codependent+no+more and in this book, at the end of each chapter there is an Activity for the reader to complete.  The Activity at the end of Chapter 11:  Have a Love Affair With Yourself is this:

How do you feel about yourself?  Write about it.  Include the things you like or don't like about yourself.  Reread what you have written.

 

 

I am going to write about this here and I'm a little nervous...but I'm pretty sure the handful of people who read this already know how I feel about myself so that's a little comforting!  Don't forward this to anyone, friends!!!  ;)

 

Ok...let's start with what I LIKE because it's so much easier to start with what I don't like so I'm making a conscious choice to start with the positive!  I like that I'm trustworthy - I know that I have to give a bit of myself in order to get a bit of others so I do that.  I trust in order to be trusted - it works. 

 

I like that I set boundaries - I wasn't always good at this and it's still a practice for me - I like that I say no when it's the right thing to say EVEN if it's really hard to do.  I like that I stop a conversation when it becomes negative or toxic and remove myself from it, it's in line with my value system and it helps people know exactly where I stand on topics. 

 

I like that I put my family first - I had a real semi-shock this summer when Taylor's sports started in August, it's that realization that summers aren't going to last forever and that the kiddos are growing up and soon their priorities are going to shift and thank GOODNESS I have spent as much quality time with them as possible!  I love that when I ask my family what they want for dinner it's seldom "pizza" and almost always some yummy meal that we sit around the table to eat together!  I love that we build forts and have movie nights and make popcorn in a popcorn maker and then drizzle real butter on it!  I love that we play "Guess Who" and that we color and build cardboard boats and then race them.  I love that we take time to celebrate with our family - blood family and beyond!

 

I like that I'm constantly working to be a better person - not only for my family, friends and job but for myself.  I want to be the best person I can be, and I want to feel the best I can feel.  I like that I'm working to forgive, heal and give back to the world. 

 

I don't like how anxious I can get.  As my close friends and family know - it's hardly even big stuff that makes me anxious...it's things like "OH MY GOD FRAN DIDN'T POOP THIS MORNING!" Um...she'll probably poop at 10:30 or 11 when the dogwalker comes.  Darin says to me all the time, "Honey, maybe she just doesn't have to poop?" I can get anxious when Brody whines...and Brody WHINES.  All.  The. Time.  When he's hungry, when he's happy, when he's sad, when he's stressed...basically when he isn't eating, walking or sleeping he's whining.  I can get anxious when the dogs "sniff" more than they "walk" on walks...and I don't like the way I treat the dogs when I'm feeling anxious...I yank on their leashes more than I want to or yell at them more than I want to.  I want to work on having more patience with the dogs. 

 

I don't like my codependent tendancies.  Like I have to take care of everyone else - they can't live without me doing stuff for them.  They can - just fine.  I think the people who love me, love me for who I am and not for what I do for them so I need to get back to being me.  I've referred to this as "Dancing" for others in the past and it's a real thing that I'm working on.  This will be a journey...I don't know that I'll ever be 100% cured of this one but I'm working on it. 

 

Big blog today...lots of words!!!  I guess there's not a lot that I don't like, they are just really big things that seem like mountains to tackle.  I'm up for the challenge!  In the meantime I will continue to honor and be grateful for the things I like.  A choice to embrace the positive. 

 

What are your thoughts about yourself?  Any a-ha's or are you already pretty self aware?